Word Vomiter

word vomit

I am a word vomiter but not in the Mean Girls accidentally-say-what-you-mean sense. I am a sometimes-bulimic introvert. I speak and eat for show or in some attempt to feel something. Then I try desperately to get it all out; to make it go away so that I can be comfortable and alone again.

I am a word vomiter in the sense that I regurgitate sounds just to make noise for you. I spill things out so that I do not have to feel sad. I laugh so that I do not hurt. I shrug that I am crazy so that I do not have to explain and, in the process, discover all that distance between us.  I spit words on the ground (often with anger because I am short on laughs that day) and it is all I can do to keep from crying.

I am a word vomiter in the sense that I do not want to digest. I do not want to fully process all the implications of this action, that thought or those words. I want to puke them out in deflective anger or giggley apathy. I want to stop short of letting things get inside me. When I talk to you I will not swallow because I do not want your small aggressions to feed me. I will spit back in self-defense

This is not an apology or confession. This is an explanation for why you make me sick. This is to say that I find your ignorance unpalatable; that I do not always have productive conversations because I simply cannot stomach them. This is to say that I will stop spitting back only once you have offered something that will nourish me. I will then stop being loud and angry, but for now there is nothing left in me to share.

E. L. Cole, Contributor

Image found via Google Image Search

No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

bluestockings magazine
WP-Backgrounds Lite by InoPlugs Web Design and Juwelier Schönmann 1010 Wien