Thing

dick pick

Some girls I know have a tendency to call penises “things,” which seems vague to me—like there could be anything inside his pants. Unzip those jeans and out pops a rubber chicken or Burt Bacharach or a friendly dog. They do it most likely because they don’t know which word for penis they should choose. Dick? Cock? Those sound too harsh, you know? If she’s describing a romantic interlude with some guy, she’s not going to say that he pulled his dick out. Because it was sexual, yes, but it was also nice and sweet and innocent—in a way. Not a dick situation. So she says “I touched his thing”, and I have to stop myself from imagining him removing his briefs to reveal to her waiting hands his surrealist manifesto or favorite teddy bear, which she [then] pats politely.

By: Sophia Rabb, Contributor 

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