Learning to Love (Lesbian)

lesbian
hurled as an insult at me age sixteen never been with anyone before
word coiled beneath my skin curled into noose knot          tight
in my bloodstream sounds buzzing

am I… No.
Just because…          doesn’t mean…

I’m not a freak
like big boned gym coach no ring
or softball team stereotypes short hair and thick thighs
I was nowhere near that scene
too caught up in nightmare dreams
man husband child wife          jail bar life

but buzzing haunted seams stitching my prison fantasies clean
twisting syllables slithering through vein threads somehow found their way
back to me

am I… No?                       Although…

five years later now letters no longer leaving
echoes but laughing happily lets me be free
learning to love

because noose knots so          tight
don’t unravel without some fight

because takes time to unwind strings of prejudice within
remove poison tongues from limbs who learned to hate themselves
and infuse words that encourage hope and imagine new dreams

lesbian
because i’m learning to love the lull of first sound
vibration of third letter buzz as it runs through my blood
abutted by soft stop before tip of tongue on gums
ending with a hum
fading to none
lesbian

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