First Time, Or At Least I Remember It That Way

This is a cliché, I apologize in advance, there was no way around it as at 14 I let myself be talked into, by my slightly older boyfriend a year mattered so much more then than it does now, and for the first few months of our relationship I told him I was “waiting until marriage” but then those months passed and all of a sudden it was a year everyone else in junior high school that had been dating that long has done it why weren’t we, and so we did and he asked once if I was sure I was ready and I wasn’t but well so it goes, I don’t actually remember it at all now I’m guessing it’s because it was so long ago and so much has happened since but also I might have blocked it out, memory’s funny that way, I remember I was 18 and no he and I weren’t still dating but he had realized I had been good for him and sorry he said as he came back and he wanted to pretend nothing had changed so I let him take my pants off and during I thought does he know I am a human being because he’s acting like I’m a blow up doll I hope my first time was not like this.

Illustration by Andy Li


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