Advertising the Apocalypse

Zombie Girl
Illustration by Moriah Benton

My biggest fear is I’ll be wearing booty bullshit

during the Zombie Apocalypse; I’ll turn into

full thriller Zombie Girl styling those Uggs—

Juicy undead booty bouncing advertisement.

Living dead herds limping en route to Dove’s best new armpit care,

Ooh-La-La Lavender deodorant-roll on glitter:

Sparkle while you rot.


Dead hungry for Hollywood tight tummy injections,

stringed up smiles and enlarging size B’s for Double D’s:

undead cleavage perky in just the right Victoria’s satin secret

Wear Everywhere Bra – Perfect for Walkers on the go.

It’s strappy but keeps those puppies on lock down and never floppy.


Lurker in lace, dead sexy and underwear stamped,

“Hello There” this is the zombie apocalypse.

Women numbing blindly to Abercrombie & Fit in,

“Who Needs a Brain When I Have These?”

Man’s breast friend, biters between bed sheets—


Blood clots and better body wash booty calls:

Axe’s Snake Peel pumpkin-orange

“No matter what goes down, Axe will fix you up.

Scrub away the Skank.”

Let Zombie girl fumble out your front door, smearing foundation, only one Ugg on

and bullshit bouncing boy shorts, post apocalyptic messages to women:

“I’m not saying its your fault, but don’t be a slut.”

So walking dead yourself home, wash off your rot, cover up, feel like death,

with hints of Dove cucumber scent.

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, Cover-Up Zombie Girl.

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